On March 2, 2023, we talked about Jesus’ conversation with the woman at the well in John
Chapter 4. We looked at how there are many things that the world throws into the well of our
souls which block the springs of living water. These blockages keep God’s Spirit from flowing
freely through us. Negative Self-Talk contributes to this blockage in our souls and with practice
over a period of time these negative statements can be turned into positive statements. The
following article can be found at https://www.healthdirect.gov.au/self-talk.

What Is Self-Talk

Self-talk is the way you talk to yourself, or your inner voice. You might not be aware that you're
doing it, but you almost certainly are. This inner voice combines conscious thoughts with inbuilt
beliefs and biases to create an internal monologue throughout the day. Self-talk is important
because it has a big impact on how you feel and what you do. It can be supportive and
beneficial, motivating you, or it can be negative, undermining your confidence.

What Is Negative Self-Talk?

Negative self-talk is when your inner voice is excessively negative, sounding more like an inner
critic. It is pessimistic and focuses on the bad. It erodes your confidence and stops you from
reaching your potential. It can make you feel like you are going to fail before you start. It can
sound like “I’m never going to be able to do this”, “I’m no good at this”, or “I’ve tried everything nothing works”. Negative self-talk can be repetitive and often does not reflect reality. It can
lead to rumination, which is repetitive with intrusive negative thoughts.

How Can Self-Talk Affect Your Mental Health?

Your self-talk can affect your mental health and your relationships with others. If you mainly
think negatively about yourself, you will feel bad most of the time. This can drag you down or if
you’re down, it can be hard to get back up. Negative self-talk is often experienced by people
who have depression or anxiety. The constant negative chatter can be overwhelming and
difficult to break out of. Negative self-talk can make it more difficult to deal with chronic pain.
It can also affect a person’s sexual confidence and body image. Negative self-talk can lead to
stress and a tendency towards perfectionism.

Tips To Stop Negative Self-Talk

Tips to stop negative self-talk
Negative self-talk can become repetitive and overwhelming and often feels like it’s true. To
break out of that cycle try these tips:

• Be aware of what you’re saying to yourself. Just the act of stopping and recognizing negative thoughts for what they are, is the first step to working through the problem. Ask yourself, would you talk like this to someone else?
• Challenge your thoughts. Ask yourself — is it true? (often it’s not). Ask yourself if there’s another explanation or way of looking at a situation. Remember that many things you worry about don’t happen. Much negative self-talk is exaggerated.
• Put your thoughts into perspective (so what?). Try and look at things from a different perspective. Perhaps from a different person’s perspective. Try writing your thoughts down or saying them out loud. Ask yourself will this matter in a few year’s time?
• Stop the thought. You can do this ‘thought stopping’ technique visually — by imagining the thought being stopped or squashed etc — or by having a little ritual.
• Replace the thought with a neutral or positive thought. Ask yourself — what is a more helpful thought?

It can take some time to recognize your negative thoughts — remember they have been part of
you for a long time and it can take up to 3 months to change old habits. Over time though you
can replace the unhealthy negative thoughts with more positive ones. Practice makes it easier.

What Are The Benefits Of Positive Self-Talk?

If you mainly think positively about yourself, you will feel good and optimistic most of the time.
Research shows that positive self-talk can:

• improve self-esteem, stress management and wellbeing
• reduce any symptoms of depression, anxiety and personality disorders
• improve your body image and can help treat people with eating disorders
• reduce your risk of self-harm and suicide
• make you feel more in control of your life
• help with chronic pain
• motivate you to overcome obstacles
• help to calm you

Tips To Improve Self-Talk

• Practice thinking good things about yourself. Very simply, practice seeing half a glass as being half full, rather than half empty.
• Identify your strengths as part of your self-talk and accept compliments for what you achieved.
• A helpful way to improve positive self-talk is to look, think and act in a positive way.
• Surround yourself with positive and optimistic people.
• Try to turn negative talk into neutral or positive self-talk.

Are you able to be still and quiet? We live in a culture full of distractions, from self-imposed
demands, family demands, work demands, phone calls, texts, notifications, and the daily news.
We are bombarded with information and demands from all sides. In addition to these external
distractions, we also have internal distractions that are a result of our mental state. Last week
(March 2, 2023) we talked about Jesus’ conversation with the woman at the well in John
Chapter 4. We looked at how there are many things that the world throws into the well of our
souls which block the springs of living water. These blockages keep God’s Spirit from flowing
freely through us.

When you are still, which thoughts race through your mind and more importantly, what do you
do with these thoughts? Do you push them back and ignore them, do you beat yourself up
because they are shame-provoking or too painful, or do you pray and ask God to “take these
thoughts away” so you don’t have to deal with them? When we push our thoughts and feelings
away and ignore them without properly processing them, we put ourselves into cycles that are
never-ending and are self-defeating.

I have found that often these thoughts are a direct result of what people, including ourselves
have thrown into the well of our souls. Instead of being still and looking at these things, our
denial of them has us running away in many different directions. I propose an alternative
means to address these thoughts.

I suggest that you ask God to sit with you and your thoughts and feelings, hear what they are
telling you, and discern where they are coming from. When I share my thoughts and feelings
with God (By the way- He already knows) and I ask Him to show me what to do with them, He
answers my prayers with great compassion and love. By including God into this process, we are
able to talk through these disturbing thoughts and feelings and find peace in our souls. It may
be that this process requires additional support and understanding from a trained professional.
Our counselors desire to partner with you and provide you with support as you work through
this process, which can be very painful. Call us at 909-353-3920 to make an appointment with
one of our counselors. Also, remember to read and share our weekly blogs as we examine how
we can unplug the well in our souls and experience the flow of living water - The very Spirit of
God.

On March 2, 2023, we talked about Jesus’ conversation with the woman at the well in John
Chapter 4. We looked at how there are many things that the world throws into the well of our
souls which block the springs of living water. These blockages keep God’s Spirit from flowing
freely through us. Not being able to identify and voice our emotions contributes to this blockage
in our souls but with practice we can learn to identify and voice our feelings. The following
article can be found at https://advice.theshineapp.com/articles/struggling-to-name-how-you-
feel-try-using-this-wheel/

If you’re happy and you know it, clap your hands. It seemed easy enough as a child, but
age lets us in on a secret: naming your emotions as you feel them can be seriously tricky. We
feel hot bursts of…something and react accordingly. We stomp our feet, lean in for a kiss, lash
out, retreat, cry, make rash decisions—all driven by emotions we don’t understand. We know
that we’re experiencing something, but we can’t identify what it is until later, if at all. If you've
struggled with IDing your emotions, you're far from alone. “(Identifying your emotions) sounds
simple, but it's not,” Amelia Aldao, Ph.D., a licensed clinical psychologist, tells Shine. “We see
this time and again, that people are pretty bad at identifying how they're feeling.”

The next time you feel an emotion creeping over you, look at the options at the center
of the wheel: fearful, angry, disgusted, sad, happy, surprised, bad. Which seems to best
encapsulate what you’re experiencing at the moment? It may—and likely will—be more than
one (ever felt shocked by a friend’s betrayal, angry at yourself for failing to see it coming, and
sad at the loss of a friend—all at once?) so feel free to go down multiple paths. Once you’ve
settled on a chunk/emotion or two, look at the terms that come lumped with that umbrella
emotion. Say you’ve settled on “surprised.” Are you excited or amazed? Or feeling more
startled and confused? Again, there’s often a mix of emotions, but pick the one that’s coming
through the strongest. From there, each secondary emotion is split into two even more specific
terms. If you’re excited, perhaps you’re eager or energetic. Feeling startled? You might define
your core feeling as shocked or dismayed. Work your way from the obvious to the nuanced,
landing on the emotion that best describes the feeling currently overtaking your body and
mind.

Defining our feelings can help us better regulate our emotions and weaken negative emotions,
but it’s not always easy to find the right word.

Anna Meyer
Shine