Written by
Vicki Wood

Communication Tips for Married Couples

Published on 
April 22, 2023

Communication gives a person the opportunity to know and be known. It is the  foundation of all relationships, whether you’re communicating with a friend or with your  spouse. Communication gives two people a chance to connect, build, trust, be vulnerable,  and to learn from one another. A good conversation brings people together, but bad  communication can cause distance and disconnect. Good communication in a marriage,  however, is absolutely vital especially in keeping the marriage healthy. When a husband  and wife know how to communicate well they feel respected, validated, and understood,  making it easier to work out any misunderstandings or frustrations. 

Good communication can be sweet, especially when you love one another with kind and  loving words. Proverbs 16:24 says this “Kind words are like honey—sweet to the soul  and healthy for the body.” When words are communicated well then it opens up a space  for two people to bare one’s soul, to laugh, to cry and to create an intimate bond that is  founded on trust and understanding. When there is good communication there is a good  balance of positive interactions that range from listening and validating a person to  expressing appreciation, affirmation, and compliments, all while using a soft and sweet  tone. Don’t forget body language, this too is included with good communication and may  involve some physical affection. There must be five times as many positive interactions  than negative ones for a couple to thrive and have a happy, healthy marriage.  

We are all broken and no matter how wonderful the marriage, or relationship, might be, a  disagreement or frustration will occur and the way you respond will determine bad or  good communication. Bad meaning you are raising your voice, name calling, or  degrading your spouse. Negative things will arise in a marriage, your buttons will be  pushed but it’s possible to have a frustration, or complaint, that can be responded to well.  This all begins with how you communicate regularly to one another. So let’s discuss  some ways you can cultivate good communication within your marriage. 

Be Curious 

When your spouse is genuinely curious about how you are doing or how your day was,  you feel valued. You may have been married, or in a relationship, for quite a while and  think you know all there is to know about the love of your life but there is always more.  In fact you may be surprised what you might come to know when you become curious.  

Take time with one another and ask questions like: What was the best part of your week?  When did you feel closest to me this week? What’s something I can do to make your day  or week better? What can I do to make you feel more loved? These questions offer space  to be real, vulnerable and open to one another and through them you will gain better  

understanding. Being curious also means you must be intentional, intentional in spending  time with one another, maybe turning off all devices and taking time each day to look in  each other’s eyes and catch up. It is in those moments that your communication skills  with one another will build and grow. 

Listen Well

There is a reason God created us with two ears and only one mouth. We need to listen twice as much as we talk. Being an attentive listener means we are not  only listening with our ears but with the heart. Fully listening gives the opportunity to  empathize and understand before responding. However so often it’s easy to only listen to  respond, anxious to speak and get your point across. Although being attentive with your  listening will help you see more clearly your spouse's hopes, fears, and emotions. Your  marriage and communication will drastically improve when you can learn to listen  without judgment and being anxious to jump in. When your spouse feels listened to they  will feel validated and respected. Listening well will bring you two closer together. It is  when you are willing to push your own agenda aside and fully listen that issues can get  resolved. 

Remember the Golden Rule 

“Do to others whatever you would like them to do to you” (Matt. 7:12). How would you  like to be treated? Do you respond well to nagging, shouting or unkind words? Most  people don’t. However the only person you can truly change is yourself. If you desire to  be fully listened to and heard then you too should practice listening well. If you would  like help with different tasks around the house you should be quick to see how you can  also help your spouse. If you want your spouse to show more affection or kindness than  you should start by showing them. Instead of being quick to point the finger, recognize  how you would like to be treated and then treat your spouse that way. Often people will  reciprocate how you respond to them. 

Pray Often 

Marriage. Communication. These things can be difficult when you are going about them on your own strength and abilities, in fact when you do it alone you will most likely fail.  However when you incorporate God into this process, He becomes the glue that holds us together and the teacher that teaches us to live out the Golden Rule. He offers strength, wisdom,  discernment, and love. He helps us see our spouse fully as we allow Him to mold and  mend our marriage as well as the way we communicate to one another. The best way you  can invite Him in is through prayer. Phil. 4:6-7 reminds how powerful prayer truly is,  “Don’t worry about anything, instead pray about everything. Tell God what you need and  thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace…” Prayer aligns our marriage, the way we speak, and our actions with God. “Pray continuously” as  1 Thess 5:17 states. Pray for your marriage, communication, for your spouse and even for  yourself. When a heated moment arises the best way to simmer down is through prayer and opening a door for the Holy Spirit to rearrange your heart a bit. Pray individually and  pray together! Prayer will build your marriage and help you be more aware of what God is doing in your own heart and mind.  

Be Quick to Forgive

Remember you love this person! Love keeps no record of being wronged (1 Cor. 13:5b). Anger, resentment, and unforgiveness can cloud your judgment making it difficult to  communicate and listen well. When these emotions are allowed to fester, bitterness can  take root in your heart. Then you will lose sight of what is good and worth valuing in your marriage. Therefore you must be “slow to become angry” (James 1:19) and quick to  forgive. Mistakes are inevitable because we are all human but it’s the way you  respond that can make or break a relationship. Ephesians 4:32 “Be kind to each other,  tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.” 

If you can learn to communicate well, your marriage will flourish!

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